Ugh, this journal has recently been spammed in multiple places. I apologize if anyone has gotten notifications of messages left by drug companies and -worse- internet pharmacies. I guess I should shut it down or make it all private....?>

This semester is going to be a bit busier than last, but shouldn't seem like that much more. On Monday and Wednesday I'm in class from 4:30-8:30. I'll be working late on Tuesday and Thursday, just like this past semester, leaving Friday as the only day I get to be home by 5:30/6:00. I'm not going to have a ton of weekend time either, given that I'm taking 3 classes. I'm going to have to stay focused and, unfortunately, more disciplined. Self-discipline is one of those things I struggle with. I get defiant with myself whenever I try to impose order. My being a perfectionist and very hard on myself doesn't help this matter, as I tend to get stressed out just thinking about all "I have to do." Which is really "all the crazy things I can come up with that can go on a to-do list, and a few imagined ones I couldn't ever accomplish." At least I've recognized this tendency and can figure out a way to be happy, busy, and less perfectionistic all at the same time. The goal of last semester was to establish some functioning routines and to get more dedicated to my area of study. This semester's goals are going to be to establish a personal routine (including regular grooming stuff like skin care that I've either never or rarely done) and to keep the fire for this semester's subjects. They have real-word application which makes things easier, but they are not going to be as easy for me as last semester's were (and "easy" is relative; I spent a lot of time on school work last semester). I'm also hoping to find a paid internship and work something out with my job to get that done this summer instead of next. My goal with this is to examine the options and follow the path that feels the most "right." In the meantime, it's "babysteps":
Personal routine in the morning and at night to establish self-care and success, schoolwork and office routines in place to get the most amount of work done in a timely manner, and then somehow fitting in time for my husband, family, friends and neighbors. It can be done. :)

I decided to bring in the new year by cleaning some of the spots in the house that have been bothering me.
Now, some of my urge to clean came as a result of the beautiful day we're having. It's crisp and clear outside, but not freezing. The sun is out, sparkling up window sections that are clean and exposing those that I desperately need to determine how to reach. I can safely open the door and throw out some of the dust, can go to the garbage can without getting frostbite, etc. It's something about days like this that inspires me to fix the inside of the house...

Add to this beautiful day the fact that I'm pretty congested and indoor allergies are some of my worst, and you get the need to clean. Yes, general housekeeping gets me congested. Since I was already there, I figured cleaning was necessary and couldn't make things worse. (Well, let's say I wasn't thinking the clearest there. Kicking my immune system while it's down seems to be a trademark of mine.)

It apparently was not a day I was supposed to tackle the floors in my home though. I pulled out several pieces of living room furniture to sweep and mop behind them - eliminating the dust which is my #1 allergy. In the process, I had some interesting (to me) adventures.

Picture this:
I've got the loveseat, recliner, and chair table pulled into the middle of the room. I'm tackling the floor back there by sweeping it. I get it all swept - a ridiculous amount of it piled up there in the past few months then I start mopping. I notice that the mop end is shoving some dirt around, so I step back and let the floor dry a little, planning to go back after that dust/dirt with the broom. About 3 minutes later the floor appears dry. I step on it with my running shoes and "AAAAH!!!....BOOM". I've gone careening across the still damp floor and landed on part of my butt bone - not my ample padded arse, but the bone of course. I'm okay, thankfully, just a little bruised in a weird part of my behind. My DH came out of another room where he'd been playing a board game but once he assessed that I was not dying and nothing was broken, he retreated (wisely). I laid down on my chest for awhile letting my body recover from the fall and giving the floor the time it needed to dry fully.

Once I'd finally gotten the dust that I'd been battle-scarred for, I proceeded to try to vacuum under the couch cushions. This is normally a pretty easy job despite the crumbs and surprises that are typically found under couch cushions (no money this time, unfortunately). However, the vacuum cleaner decided I hadn't had enough adventure. I must've pulled it too tight across the room, for as I sat in front of my couch working on getting the dirt off the toe guard, the vacuum proceeded to start pecking on my head. Naturally, I wasn't smart enough the first time this happened to unwind the taught cord, so it proceeded to peck me with each movement. I got to #3 before I realized why my head was getting bashed in. Did I mention I'm not a genius and was under the influence of cold medicine? :)

Additional Comments/Asides:
Never wear shoes when cleaning. I'm just not cut out for it. I have to wear shoes while working in my kitchen due to its being tile on top of cement (a bad combination for someone with bad feet). However, I've always swept and mopped in bare feet declaring it's easier to step on wet stuff without getting socks soaked or risking a slip...like the one I just had!
Why on earth was I wearing shoes? Well, I was giving the FLYLady's "Get dressed to shoes" mandate a chance. I do feel more productive in shoes in general, but I will stick to the rule that I don't wear them when sweeping or mopping in the future. I'm much more stable in bare feet than in any pair of shoes I own (except maybe my hiking boots, but they are too clompy for cleaning in).

The Libman Freedom Spray Mop is awesome, I should add. I used it for the first time today and it got my laminate floors clean very quickly. It's basically a Swiffer but allows you to use whatever cleaner you like (PineSol is a staple for me), and you can take the pad off and wash it with your laundry instead of creating a landfill all your own with disposable pads. It got my floors shining. I don't think they've done that since we've owned it! Regular mopping was leaving too much water in the cracks of the laminate floorboards - and apparently will cause the floor to warp over time, thank you internet - so I only really did it twice and that didn't cause the floor to shine, it left it kinda water-spotted. (Yes, folks, I'm a dirty person who doesn't mop her floors obsessively. There are also 2 of us and a lot of floor that we essentially never use.) This Libman mop created a sheen and shine that I expect of a clean floor. It's also really easy to use, so I'll probably do this more often. :)

Well, this blog is practically extinct. Damn online journal that I never write in! (Since blaming the journal is the answer to everything. This has absolutely nothing to do with my lack of interest in self-exploration or my being completely convinced that I am boring and this form of communication is a public embarrassment of sorts.)

I worked out today for almost 45 minutes (about 43) in my cross-trainers. I shall need to remember that they are not fit for treadmill work. Need the running shoes for this, especially since I tend to get it into my head that I can job periodically (until I can't breathe anymore, which will hopefully be for longer periods of time if I keep this up).

Unfortunately, I only went about 2 miles today. I've fallen behind my 45 minute 5k time. Time to start training again since I have some walks and 5Ks coming up in the next couple of months. For a 3 week hiatus, I'm not doing too badly though. I did manage to take 3 weeks off the eating and exercise plan and not gain a pound. I didn't lose any, but not gaining indicates I'm making better choices in general, I hope. (Perhaps I'm just feeling guilty when I make bad choices?) Actually, the difference seems to be in how I approach things sometimes, in the way I think. I'm looking at my food choices as: Will this make me feel good about myself? Will this irritate my stomach? Do I want to eat this because I'm upset? depressed? Why am I craving this? Requiring answers for my actions in a weird way forces me to choose my health over something else. Putting it in that context seems to have made a small (tiny?) step towards better thinking. Anytime I consciously change my thinking, though, I fear I'm going to get all disordered and crazy about weight - that's what I don't want, so I still shut it off sometimes, just to prove I can. I have faith that over time, I'll figure this out. :)

Went to the doctor today and got another MMR booster. Apparently I don't have many antibodies to the rarer form of rubella and it's best to be protected from rubella if you're going to get pregnant. I'm not pregnant right now, but we would like to try in a year or two...or at least someday...for the first. I'll be 30 next July and really had a plan to have the first child before I'm 30. That's not very likely at this point, but having one before 31 is a good idea, given the complications older moms can have (and now they classify 35 as "older" in some circles...crazy circles, but still...). BEST NEWS at the doctor was that my blood pressure was "spectacular" and there is no need to even CONSIDER going back on blood pressure medicine. HOW RELIEVED I AM! I also love Dr. Culver, the new resident who has me for the next few years. With luck, she'll be the one taking care of me through my first pregnancy and no asthma attacks! :) (I just realized it's been over 5 years since I really had an asthma attack other than a little tightness that is quickly relieved by my rescue inhaler. :::cheer::: I'm healthier than ever!)

Anywho, this is an update on where I am with one very narrow channel of my life. Someday, I'll add more. Thanks for your patience.

...Unfortunately my L seems to have been replaced by Facebook statuses of late. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I really do need to get my mind straight on a number of issues and could do that by making private entries.

I'm still struggling to figure out if I really want to keep something detailed and in-depth (am I that kind of person) versus quick and one-dimensional views of myself which are presented through standardized social media these days.

Part of me wants to write again -randomly, fictionally, personally, etc. Part of me thinks that once I start writing, I won't ever stop...and I'll once again become self-absorbed and completely inactive, which I'm sitting on the couch wishing that I was skinny and healthy and didn't have to worry about my heart health overall (a health problem I'm not currently facing, but which is very real to someone like me...particularly when I am shaped like my grandmother who died of a CF). Perhaps I'm still self-absorbed even without writing, but the additional consequences of indulging in it could be damaging (to my career because of unshared political views, to my husband because I might share something he thought was between us, to my family because they don't want to know what I think sometimes, etc).

Hmm...lots going on in my mind. Good thing almost no one reads this. :)

I've been finding my time sucked up in the internet. Unfortunately, not doing anything productive.

I am abstaining from the holiday itself. My husband and I love each other every day. This one "holiday" creates unhappiness for our friends, coworkers, and loved ones who are single, divorced, widowed, or coping with military deployment. We just don't feel it's necessary to make showy overtures to each other when simple hugs when we're stressed will do the trick. So, if we do "celebrate" it'll be on another day and at another time, without our feeling the need to buy into the kitsch and color of a standard holiday.

Really? I never understood the concept that a groundhog could predict or sense the approach of spring. That said, I know some folks who hold this day practically holy and they really do love their groundhog's moment in the spotlight. I see no harm in this uniquely American holiday. :) However, I should note that my dad used to hunt groundhogs for fun...so I come by my negative perception of the creature honestly.

Answer to one question a local radio personality put out there though:
Q. Why don't all the groundhogs agree with each other if they are so accurate?
A. From me: The groundhogs are in different places, so their predictions will vary based on their geographic location.

http://www.webdesignerdepot.com/2009/08/60-stunning-satellite-photos-of-earth/

I know FusionPanda has put up photos of earth before, so this may be a repeat, but I'm planning on using these to improve my geography and bright up the desktop on my work computer.

The Hero's Luck

by Lawrence Raab

When something bad happens
we play it back in our minds,
looking for a place to step in
and change things. We should go outside
right now, you might have said. Or:
Let's not drive anywhere today.

The sea rises, the mountain collapses.
A car swerves toward the crowd
you've just led your family into.
We all look for reasons. Luck
isn't the word you want to hear.
What happened had to,

or it didn't. Maybe
the exceptional man can change direction
in midair, thread the needle's eye,
and come out whole. But even the hero
who stands up to chance has to feel
how far the world will bend

until it breaks him. He can see
that day: the unappeasable ocean,
the cascades of stone. A crowd
gathers around his body. He sees that too.
someone is saying: His luck just ran out.
It happens to us all.

"The Hero's Luck" by Lawrence Raab, from The History of Forgetting. © Penguin Books, 2009. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)